what have I been waiting for?
a window
a hand to hold
an answer
a door?

I think about the green grasses
the warm breeze
the trees
the things
that make me who I am
when I don't think about what came later-
the unanswered unuttered questions
the complexity
the garbage filled up and crumpled useless information just piling up
and I wonder and I wander
but now am sedated
or sedentary
but here,
or there
to window shop
or buy the repair...

My green grass
My watermelon patch
the carrots fresh and true
the lettuce and zucchini too
I wonder about what happened to the little girl
who saw all that was
and all that could be
wrapped up and floating inside of me

Am I here?
Does the I in me still exist?
Have I been replaced
or even just

My sons, grown and growing
never saw the girl I was.
But what kernel
what nugget
shall I think true
to pass on
to them and then
to whoever is after them...
and them...
and then them too?

Is the beauty that one sees
all that is left of me?
My hopes my dreams
mean nothing.
It is what was and what still lingers
from others.
and mothers.

Plant your garden
love the hens
eat meat if you must
but only from gorgeous farms and not pens
you are what you eat
no boxes
less toxins
smile and laugh and live and be
you are what you eat and you is me.